Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
