we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
