I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
