I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
