you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
