You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
