so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
