its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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