Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
