Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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