I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
