you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
