my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
