you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
