Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
