We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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