Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
