I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize
