I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
