My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
