After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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