I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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