I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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