There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
