there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
FUCK WHALES
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
