The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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