Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
