We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
