OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
