Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
two words...techno handjob
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
