doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
