but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
