i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
