i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he shaved USA in his pubs
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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