She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I need a beard to bite.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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