you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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