OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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