hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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