Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
