I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
