dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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