When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
