Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
