Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
