I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm too high and old for this...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
