Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
