Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
