...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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