Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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