someone owes me an orgasm
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
