i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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