You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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