I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
